(Part2) MyStory - No different to million others across India

Continued from Part 1. 


Its clear that I am being cheated and I have been very good with conflict management or risk mitigation as a matter of fact that is what i do for a major bank in the UK but when it came to handling my risks i was far too worried and was more concerned than ever as I started to see how this can turn if not handled carefully. 

I have obviously discussed what I found out with my parents who were gutted and were depressed to see my marriage fail. It took us a day to come to terms with whats happening and again I have acted real fast as I was worried of whats coming next. 

Right around this time, my grand mother got sick and was admitted in the hospital. I have been informed of potential restructuring at work which might risk my job and it was depressing that everything bad was happening at the same time.After lot of thinking, I have decided to confront my wife. 

We were going to india to see my grand mother and hence I have decided to talk to my wife when we have landed in India this is to make sure I can also at the same time confront her parents of what she has done and I have listened to a call that my wife was talking to with her Dad and she was talking about Nandu with him. This means her parents were aware of this guy. 

We arrived in Hyderabad on the 17th of March, my brother came to pick up at the airport and we went to a hotel as my parents house is in Vijayawada and my brothers flat was too far from the airport. We had a flight to next day early morning to chennai to visit my grand mother who was hospitalised in chennai. 

I have confronted her and she accepted that she has the affair after listening to the calls I have and have apologised for cheating me. I have questioned her of why she used me to get the visa if she didn't want to stay with me? She said that she wanted to be single for a while and her parents forced her to come to the UK and that she came only so she can stay single after she has settled by getting a job in the UK. I said to her that the is using me as a means to get Visa and that I am absolutely shattered to know this. She apologised and requested me to forgive her and that she doesn't mind to be my servant to stay in the UK but she needs an year.

When i heard this, i almost lost my cool. I told her that will an immigration fraud and that she can only and should only stay in the UK if she is married to me on the spouse visa and that she cannot if she wants to stay single. I said that this is very upsetting to know her intentions and to that what she answered has blown my mind. She said, its not just upsetting you, its also upsetting me to be with you without liking you.

I told her well then don't be, lets talk to your parents. She asked me not to and that it will upset her parents. I told her what about upsetting me and my parents with whatever she was doing and she obviously had no answer. 

I got her parents to the room we were talking and have told them everything , initially they refused to accept however my wife accepted that she has done a mistake and that what am saying is right and that she doesn't want to be with me. Her mom started reacting wild and tried her best to twist however having failed she started yelling that she will hunt the guy that her daughter is having affair with and will kill him. I have also recorded all this conversations and have both audio and video of all the above discussion both with her and her parents.  

Her parents finally gave up trying to cover the mess up and started to beg me and my parents that we forgive her of what she has done and that we give her another chance. Having knows her true intentions and how she was talking down of my parents and how she was planning with a guy to settle in UK by ditching me and more importantly how she said she is reading online about the UK laws to get money from me after divorce etc. Me and my parents politely refused to give her any chance to be with me and said sorry but for us this is it and we cannot continue in this relation anymore. 

Having heard this, my wife's dad and uncle started acting weird and was warning us of filing fake cases if we don't listen to them. At this stage, we avoided having any further conversations with them and have asked them to sleep over this and that we can re group again in couple of days after i return from chennai visiting my grand mother. They agreed to it and left as they thought we were scared of their warnings. 

I have immediately approached a Lawyer when i sensed that they might be filing these fake cases. Now Lawyers in India are another thing that you never know what their interest is you or your money. Lesson i have learnt is you have be very assertive when talking to a Lawyer and get them to do what you want then following whatever they say. 

Our Lawyer advised us to file a petition for Divorce on family court on the grounds of cheating. And if they were to come to a compromise then you can amicable resolve. And so we did. This was on 18th March 2016 however the notice wasn't sent to my wife or her family. 

On 19th March, my wife and her parents have filed the infamous 498a with false accusations. As we feared, our family because another victim to this women biased law. Knowing this my dad called her dad and he tried to scare us and demanded 10 Lakhs in cash or that they will continue and file the 498a. 

On 21st March, my wife, along with her father and a police went to uncles house in Hyderabad complaining that we are absconding, while they knew we were visiting our grand mother in chennai. We called our uncles house and spoke to the police and informed them that we will come to Hyderabad to have the conversations with them in a week. 

However an FIR was filed against us on 24th March and the facts of the FIR are absolute lies. 

1. It was claimed that my wife stayed at my uncles house along with my parents there and that she was harassed for Dowry. 

• My parents have always stayed in vijayawada.  
• My wife never stayed at  my uncles house, she was in Eluru her home town attending college and for IELTS coaching she was staying with my parents in vijayawada.

2. It was claimed that I never spoke to her on phone since we got married.

• I have call history for last 12 months showing how many times I have called her on her mobile. 

3. It was claimed that I have intentionally delayed the visa process.

• I have proof of booking IELTS at the next available date within a week of our marriage.
• Following up on visa process 
• Escalating issue when visa was rejected with home office and managing to get the visa approved. 
• Paying for the visa, medical surcharge, re-appeal , her tickets etc direct from my account.

4. It was claimed that they have paid 10 Lakhs as dowry and that we harassed her to pay another 25 Lakhs 

• We have recording of her calls with her parents where she was actually abusing me and my parents and how she is harassing us. Which actually contradicts what she was claiming that she was harassed. 

5. They even involved my brother into this, saying he and I together forced my wife to accept that she has illicit relationship and that she only accepted it because I said her that i wont take her back to UK if she doesn't accept. 

• While clearly one can say its a lie, I mean who will accept to illicit relations just because someone says to ?
• Anyways, we also have a video recording of confronting her where she accepted about her extra marital affair and its clear there was no pressure on her. 

We have great evidence don't we? So is it all good and doest it mean we are free from any harassment ? Unfortunately no and they have only begum to harass us. What they have put us through after this has been very stressful. Well thats how we have ended with 498a, sometimes it just makes me furious of how law lets a woman who cheated me who was unfair to me who tried to use me for her benefits can slap a case against me and thats allowed. Law is indeed blind. 

Thanks guys for taking time in reading my posts. Please comment below and your moral support will help my family and I a great deal in overcoming these fake cases. Thanks in advance. 

Please read my next post, 'my fight to survive the 498a' for more ongoing updates on our case. 

Basics of 498a - Must Read

• Are you an Indian married Male?
• Is your wife Indian ?
• Do you have a Kid who is getting married to an Indian woman?
• Do you have close relatives who have an Indian wife?

If your answer is 'Yes' to any of the above, it is in the best interest of you and your family that you know about 498a- one of the if not the most abused law in India. 

What is 498a?

Passed by Indian Parliament in 1983, Indian Penal Code 498A, is a criminal law (not a civil law) which is defined as follows.

“Whoever, being the husband or the relative of the husband of a woman, subjects such woman to cruelty shall be punished with imprisonment for a term which may extend to three years and shall also be liable to fine. The offence is Cognizable, non-compoundable and non-bailable. 

Concerned with the increase in the number of false cases  supreme court of India issued directions to counter the abuse saying 498a is used as  “weapon rather than shield by disgruntled wives”. Supreme court went as far as branding 498a "the legal terrorism" and have instructed parliament to amend this Law. 

Does this mean you are safe ? Unfortunately No !!!

Some Police in India are hand-in-glove with the wife's family as 498a is also their biggest source of income and hence Police continue to take advantage of the 498a cases and they continue to harass to make the innocent husbands choke money they need. 

How does 498a work?

The very nature of 498a makes it wife-biased (daughter-in-law biased), discriminatory, stringent, unprecedented, exceptional and poorly formulated. One line of written or oral complaint from a woman or her family member can land husband and his entire family in jail without any investigation. As simple as that. 

How can you protect yourself form not becoming a next victim to this vicious Law?

There are million articles online suggesting you to spy, record, keep receipts of money spent on your mrs etc however none of this can prevent her from filing a 498a and yes with all this evidence you will be able to prove the case is false once it goes for trial but before that, you have to face the police and may be even spend a day or two in Jail. 

To safeguard yourself to an extent It would be better if you can gather the information mentioned below. This could save you from the huge humilation, harrasment that your family may face in police custody/jail.

• Check whether someone from the girl's father's family or mother's family has ditched her husband for trivial reasons and staying in her parent's house - 

• If the girl that you are going to marry is currently having a full fledged relationship with someone who is a frequent visitor to the girl's house - stay away 

• If the girl is having a relationship with her brother in law or her close relative - stay away 

• Check whether the girl's family is in deep debt (lot of home loans, car loans) and their income is less than their spending 

• If both the girl's parent are working , be double cautious , girls with lot of freedoms can really be troublesome

• Make sure there is not much difference in economic status between your family and girl's family

• Put in writing that "No dowry was exchanged in this marriage" in a stamp paper and get it signed by the girl and her parent.

Knowing the above, you still have to make a decision however it will be a more informed decision and potentially you can safeguard yourself and your family to an extent from becoming a 498a victim. 

Good luck. 

Need an example ? got 20 mins ? Please read my story here. 

(Part1) MyStory - No different to million others across India

As one article quoted "thousands of Alams and Navins get thrown behind bars over petty domestic disputes, many of which have nothing to do with dowry" 

Many have lost their jobs, sisters and mothers of many innocent husbands have been jailed. The most horrible part is even after a strong battle and winning these false cases, the creator of 498a can go scot-free. Its a shame how stupid 498a is and how many more women (mothers and sisters) are become victims to the false cases in the name of a law made to protect and safeguard women. 

I am no different and my family and I have suffered a great deal and are suffering as we continue the fight against false cases filed on us. Read these comments on an article on times of india and i believe this is true to each word. 

"EVERY INDIAN WOMAN WHO GETS CAUGHT HAVING SEX WITH ANOTHER MAN , SLAPS SEC 498A AGAINST HER HUSBAND . . .. TO MILK ALIMONY . . .WITH WHICH SHE AND HER LOVER CAN ENJOY . . . . .YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW SINISTER WOMAN CAN BE " 

Yes, my wife cheated on me and guess what she slapped a 498a on me with numerous false accusations. Again let me assure you all, am not the only one and there are thousands others   in the same situation as i am and its about time we (men) start worrying about the manhood and our rights in this women biased society. 

My tragic story started in 2015 when i have taken this stupid decision, the most expensive stupid decision of my life. I have decided to get married. Like million other indian marriages mine was an arranged marriage too. We have briefly talked over phone before meeting however we don't know each other much. I got married in Feb and soon after that I had to fly back to UK where I live and work. 

I always thought that I am very smart and that I am very intelligent well may be I was with  my academics and doing well at work but when it came to the most important aspect of life I have been the biggest fool. I have failed to see how am being played and I have made a proper fool out of me. Having said that while it was a bit late may be but I have acted really fast once I have noticed that am being played. 

My wife (soon to be ex) always have delayed the visa application process, She avoided to talk to me and used to be busy with her college. I never was too concerned about it as i was busy myself in UK and we spoke once or twice a week and she was absolutely normal when we were on phone. Being in UK, I use a calling card to call her and which fortunately provides a detailed history of the calls I made over last 18 months. Mostly our conversations were to do with the visa application process which seemed perfectly fine given that was the obvious priority. 

Visa process was tedious with IELTS (waiting list of 3 months) requirement, Settlement visa in general is a long wait with average decisions made in 5-7 weeks. Due to the IELTS and documents requirement we weren't able to apply for visa until mid August 2015 and during this time, i have had no pressure from my wife however her parents were constantly worried about the visa delays. I paid for her IELTS exam, her IELTS coaching and also have obviously transferred her money as and when she needed. I have paid/spent at-least £2000 towards all this including the money I have transferred. She stayed with my parents in Vijayawada while she was attending her IETLS classes. 

She was always happy with me while her parents were constantly worried, I did sense something was very wrong with their worry as sometimes it was more than normal. It was more like they wanted to send her off as soon as they can. To add to all this, my wife's visa got rejected in October for some very trivial reasons. While her parents were more annoyed , my wife was very understanding  (I thought), she never questioned me over these delays and unfortunate visa rejection, I thought she was being very supportive. 

I have re-appealed as the reasons for rejections were trivial, on top of this I have also  emailed home office escalating the denial of visa on trivial reasons. Within two weeks of doing this, I got a response indicating that they have decided to over turn the decision. I have informed her immediately of this and she didn't sound excited and infact she asked me to call back as she was in the college. It was not the first time, so i didn't take seriously. She made an excuse of exams and didn't go to submit her passport for a month. And when VFS contacted her to collect the passport she again delayed it by another two weeks. For some reason she always had exams. 

 Finally she collected her passport on the 19th Feb 2016 and she had visa only given till 26th of Feb 2016. As the rest of the permit will be given on a bio-metric card and she needs to come and collect it after arriving in UK. So in short it was great, finally she got the visa. Well wish it was that simple. 

I booked her flights for 25th, she landed on 25th (again paid £350 for her ticket as it was short notice). From the day she landed in UK she acted completely different to what she was on phone with me. She was very reserved, she was always busy with her Laptop/mobile she used to complain about being tired due to Jet lag for weeks. Which was weird given UK is only 5 1/2 hours behind. She used to go to bed at 6-7am before I got home and wont wake up until 6-7 (after i left to work). This was going on for two weeks, when I have finally confronted her and she said she wants to concentrate on getting a Job and thats why she is being very stressful. I have tried to tell her that its nothing to worry and that she need to not stress her self to get a job however she insisted that she wants to get a Job as she always wanted to work. For which I agreed to support. 

During this time, My parents were also in UK visiting us for few months. She never treated them well and have always picked up on silly things and have humiliated them before me. I was getting worried about her behaviour when I have over heard her phone conversation with someone, and I heard her say in telugu "Ok he is coming, i can't talk now, bye" followed by some noise of kissing good bye over phone. This was worrying, and guys when I said before I have acted fast when i realised I am being played, this is what i meant.  When I heard this ,I almost acted instantly. 

My home security records any noise in my flat when i have locked the door and emails me. There have been several emails, however most of these were even when my parents were talking to each there, were on phone to someone in India etc. I have gone ahead and listened to the recordings since she came to UK. My conscience didn't allow me to, however I did it as I sensed that am being played. What i wrote here took me ten mins however being with her for weeks, i have sensed a lot more than what i typed here and that made me go ahead and listen to her calls. 

Many calls were with her parents, where she was obviously bitching about me and my parents and which i thought was normal and actually laughed it off. However i came across few conversations with a guy named 'Nandu'. This guy is her boy friend and they have been in affair since few years. There was a conversation where she mentioned about missing her periods since she came to UK and that as they have met last on the 22nd of February she is worried that she might be pregnant. She never got close to me and we never have consummated the marriage. 

Also this was not just a fling in the past as they were talking about him coming over to UK on a student visa and that she is confident she will get a Job before he is here. This was obviously the biggest shock of my life, it was very hurtful at the same time I was very angry for being played at. I wanted to confront her right away. However it was clear she came to UK not to live with me but to settle here in UK using me as a means to get visa. 


Continued in Part 2